I Matter

Who I am matters. I had a father come into my office today. He was dropping off his daughters application for one of the summer programs I coordinate. I stepped out of the office for a second to grab something and while I was gone he scoped out my bookshelf. I love that he did that because the conversation that spun from that was amazing. Now let me just tell you the kind of books I have on my shelf; Critical Race Theory, Race Matters, Pedagogy of the Oppressed, The Mis-Education of the Negro, etc. not light reading by any means. He was impressed by those titles because he owns them as well and we were able to have an open dialogue about race and education and what I plan to do in the future. He was comfortable asking me about my ethnic/racial background and I was more than comfortable sharing. He thought my lineage came from the Caribbean Islands. He told me I had a warm presence (He initially thought it was because I was from the islands, but when I told him that as far as I know my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents were born in the U.S. he said "must be a Black thing" and we laughed together). After a very warm, genuine, and enlightening conversation he left my office and told me to keep doing what I'm doing. I told him that I would and I intend to make good on that promise.

E=MC^2

I am having a hard time this week. I just have some weird energy that I need to displace. I believe very much in energy. I can read other people's energy and I can also tell when my energy is a bit off. I think I'm just anxious about the future. I don't really know what I'll be doing this fall as far as work goes and with all this talk about the economy and unemployment I can't help but to think about what life would be like if I were in that 8%. I have a family to take care of. 

Recently I realized as the "head of the household" (if we need to name it) I tend to take on a lot of responsibility and obligations. Most times they are responsibilities and obligations that I've created for myself, nonetheless they still evoke stress. Sometimes I wonder if we have made the best decision for us with the upcoming move. Should I really be leaving a job without another one lined up, should we pack up and move 900+ miles away not really knowing what's going to happen? I think about these things for a while and then I remember that we're young, in love, and we want to explore. This is a great time to do it. We don't have any kids yet, we're not really into our career yet (I wonder if I'll ever be and that's ok with me), it just makes sense. I think people are probably wondering why I decided to leave with Danielle since her internship is only a year, but I couldn't imagine it any other way. I don't want to live apart and I think it's time for us to get out of Ames and spread our wings.

I'm going to keep exploring this energy and see what happens.

Subconscious

Just posted a blog and when I looked at my blog site I wondered, "what is up with the red, white, and blue on black background?" 

The subconscious mind is very interesting.

Something Else is Going to Work

We're watching My First Home on TLC and the man who bought a house to flip totally failed. He estimated a $75,000 budget. That budget was totally wrong. It seems like he did everything wrong. So Danielle looks at me and says, "what would we say to each other if one of else failed?" I look at her and said something like, "you tried this and it didn't work out." I mean it's ok, sometimes things don't work out the way we want." "But you know what, something else IS going to work."

Sometimes we have dreams and we really want to make them come true and we work really hard at them. Sometimes those same dreams don't come true. You fall short. I want you to know that, "something else will work." I know when it has happened to me in the past I felt like I was worthless and didn't have the skills I needed to succeed at what I wanted to do. I didn't answer my phone, I didn't do anything outside of the house, I just wanted to curl in a ball and watch TV. Then in comes Danielle and she makes me want to text her and call her, and come outside. She encouraged me and complimented me and that helped me gain confidence and feel stronger.

It's crazy that every time I start a blog, Danielle finds her way into it. I'm not going to stop the process. I'll keep writing and we'll see what happens.

Talking on the Side

I love my wife! I know it's a random way to start a blog, but the longer I know this woman, the more she amazes me, the more I love her. Watching her reach her goals helps me realize I can reach mine.

Now the real reason for the blog. Last night Danielle and I were asked to speak to a class. This has been happening recently that we've been asked to speak in front of groups, organizations, and classes. The topic is in a nutshell talking about our identities as Black, gay, women. The first speaking engagement was great! We told our story and afterwards the people at the PFLAG meeting came up to us and hugged us and thanked us. It was great! It really got me thinking that I could do this on the side. I like to tell my story and inspire others and I don't mind large groups. Of course I'm nervous at first, but once I've engaged the crowd I feel right at home. Anyway (where was I going with this), so last night was a different experiences. First, since we are still new to this we don't have a protocol of questions to ask about what is expected of us and the group's level of awareness about such issues. Needless to say, we walked into the talk a little unprepared. We did our best to tell our story and answer the group's questions, but afterwards I couldn't help but to reflect on some of the things that could've gone better. I did realize that not all speaking engagements are created equal and sometimes you hit it out the park and sometimes you hit a foul pop-up and the catcher bursts your bubble by catching the ball with his eyes closed and one hand behind his back (ok the experience wasn't that bad, but you get it). It really helped us to put things into perspective and not take for granted that everyone gets these things. We now know that we need different levels of our talk; beginner, intermediate, semi-expert and we need to read our audience and use examples that are relevant to them. A big realization was understanding that sometimes my wife and I are on different pages with how we want to present and a quick check before we get started is needed. I really enjoy getting to do this and hope that when we get to ATL we can continue to go around talking about ourselves, because that's really what it is.